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Number Thirteen

This is a review of the short story Number Thirteen, written by M.R. James and published in his collection Ghost Stories of an Antiquary. You can read my reviews of The Treasure of Abbot Thomas, Canon Alberic’s Scrap Book, and ‘Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad’ here, here, and here. M.R. James was a Cambridge scholar who wrote ghost stories in the early 20th century; if you like ghosts in horror literature, you should read him.

Anderson is a scholar and gentleman-of-means who travels to Denmark in order to study the last days of Roman Catholicism in that country. James tries to make Danish history interesting and fun by telling us about the holes in the murdered King Erik Glippling’s head. It’s a trap, just like when they told you reading is fun or eating broccoli is good for you. Don’t fall for it!

Since this story isn’t about the history of the church in Denmark, you should read it. Anderson retains Room 12 in The Golden Lion. There is no Room 13. That evening, Anderson peeks out his window and sees the shadow of his neighbor, who favors red lamps and wears a hood. Oh, and the Room 13 phases into existence after the sun falls.

Anderson, doubting his own sanity, invites the inn’s garrulous landlord to his room that night to smoke a cigar and perhaps be an eyewitness. In the interim, he peeks out his window again and sees the shadow of his next-door neighbor dancing quite vigorously. When the landlord arrives, that selfsame next-door neighbor starts to sing in a cracked, cackling voice. Unfortunately, the shenanigans end when the cock cries dawn. There’s some nonsense about a corrupt archbishop and his hidden dwelling place, but don’t be fooled. This story exists because James wanted to make a ghost dance.

This is one of my favorite M.R. James’s stories. In a normal ghost story of that era, the hero/heroine would be awakened in the middle of the night by an apparition, and then swoon. James has his ghost auditioning for America’s Got Talent. Its actions are so bizarre and unexpected and funny, and that only adds to the story.

Highly recommended for lovers of ghost stories and Victorian/Edwardian literature!

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Avengers Forever

This is a review of Avengers Forever, a 12-issue miniseries by Kurt Busiek (writer) and Carlos Pacheco (artist). This miniseries appears in Avengers Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Omnibus Volume One, which I didn’t finish because it’s over 1,000 pages. Kurt Busiek has the distinction of writing one of the best runs in Avengers history. Years later, all that’s been undone, but these stories stand the test of time. This miniseries came out when Marvel still cared about correcting their continuity goofs and plot flaws.

Speaking of which…this miniseries has a lot of story. Here is the Cliffs note version of the plot. At the behest of his masters the Time Keepers, the time traveling villain Immortus attempts to murder Rick Jones, because Jones is the conduit to a power activated by the Kree Supreme Intelligence. This is the same Supreme Intelligence that destroyed its own race because they reached an evolutionary dead end.

In some timelines, Rick Jones’ power surge leads to the Avengers turning bad and conquering the universe. Note I said, some timelines. The exact number is 42%, which turns to 0% if Rick dies, so the Time Keepers have a valid argument! Fortunately for Rick, the Avengers disagree. So does Kang the Conqueror, who is Immortus’ younger self. So does someone called Libra, and the Kree Supreme Intelligence.

Avengers are plucked from different timelines to deal with the threat. We have mainstays Hawkeye and Captain America, who are still hanging around. There’s also Goliath and the Wasp. This is before Hank Pym ran off with Ultron and Jan Van Dyne died, because Brian Bendis wanted to kill a character (who played a miniscule part in the plot) at the end of Secret Invasion. Someday there will be a discussion of why a person who hated the Avengers ended up writing them, but that’s for another day.

Captain Marvel Jr. and Songbird are part of the team, too. If you aren’t a big comic geek, like yours truly, you might not know them. Yellowjacket is – wait a minute, Yellowjacket? Isn’t he also Goliath? That’s right! Hank Pym has almost as many nom de plumes as nervous breakdowns. In this one, he claims to have killed Hank Pym (bringing self-hatred to new heights!), so he’s not in the best of shape.

The Avengers waste no time figuring out what’s going on. This involves a number of time anomalies, along with Martians, dinosaurs, and a Skrull Richard Nixon. After which, we are treated to two solid issues worth of exposition. If you are interested in seeing how Marvel tried to correct a bunch of their editorial goofs, you might find these issues interesting. This is followed by a rousing climax that wraps up all loose ends.

The only thing that stops this miniseries from being a classic is the aforementioned exposition, and the fact that some of the characters are a tad obscure. It is not the best introduction to Busiek’s Avengers run. That would be the first issue, contained in this selfsame volume. I still recommend this miniseries, but only after you read the first nine issues!

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‘Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad’

This is a review of the short story ‘Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad,’ written by M.R. James and published in his collection Ghost Stories of an Antiquary (published 1904). You can read my review of his short stories The Treasure of Abbot Thomas and Canon Alberic’s Scrap Book, here and here.

Parkins is a Professor of Ontography who doesn’t believe in ghosts and is trying to improve his golf game. He goes on a golfing vacation, and his hotel room has two beds (foreshadowing alert!!!). One evening he comes across the ruins of an ancient temple by the beach, and finds an old whistle. When Parkins examines the whistle, he sees the following epitaph: Who is This Who is Coming? IMO, it should read Who is Coming, but the Victorians never met a word they didn’t like. The gist of the question is, if you want to find out who is coming blow the whistle.

Does this sound vaguely ominous? Would you blow the whistle? Well, Parkins does! As a doctor of Ontography, which doesn’t seem to be a real academic field, he doesn’t believe in ghosts. Ontography is the study and documentation of what is real; it is Philosophy and not Natural Science.

Basically, Parkins is a professor of the literal, which explains why he doesn’t believe in ghosts. I’m sure he doesn’t get subtext, either. This little in-joke adds another layer to the story. Too bad Parkins falls into the same trap as many others – i.e., mistaking his view of reality as actual reality. The whistle summons a thing that rises from the spare bed in the middle of the night, while Parkins lies quaking in his own bed. What will become of our plucky professor of Ontography?

James is great at creating ghosts, and this one is inspired. It seems mostly composed of bedsheets, and James himself says (through one of his characters) that the ghost’s power lies in frightening people out of their wits. To me, the scariest thing about this story – which might’ve freaked me out as a kid – lies in the violation of privacy. Parkins thinks he’s safe and alone in his bedroom, when it turns out he’s neither.

Recommended for ghost story lovers and lovers of Victorian supernatural fiction!

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Marvel Masterworks: The Avengers Volume Four

This is a review of Marvel Masterworks: The Avengers Volume Four. See what I thought of the first three volumes here, here, and here. A quick review of the first forty issues of the Avengers –started slow, but got better once the creators started making the team members fight each other more than the villains. Jack Kirby (comic creator) is gone, Stan Lee (writer) is leaving, and Roy Thomas’ (writer) time is upon us.

This volume, the roster expands as Hank Pym – aka Ant Man, aka Goliath, aka Yellowjacket, aka Ultron’s Daddy – and The Wasp rejoin the team. The Greek God Hercules, who at one point we see playing ukulele at a tiki bar, also joins after a mild misunderstanding – Herc tries to kill them all – gets ironed out. Hawkeye wants his girlfriend The Black Widow to join the team, also, and she’d be an interesting addition, but it doesn’t happen because reasons.

The tension between Hawkeye and Captain America is gone, replaced by tension between Goliath and Hawkeye. Goliath is written as a loose cannon. Besides that, he’s sort of a dick. He is also the team’s strong-man, which is weird considering he’s a scientist. What kind of scientist, do you ask? If forced to answer, I would call Pym a physicist, just because the power to grow and shrink seems to be quantum physics. What he has, of course, is a doctorate in handwavium.

The team fights the Sons of the Serpent, a two-issue storyline that today would be an 18 part event. The Living Laser storyline features one of the first realistic depictions of a stalker in comic books I’ve ever seen. There are Ultroids in Bavarian villages and yet another battle with the Sub Mariner, who manages to uncover the Cosmic Cube.

I have a confession to make. Sometimes reading 60’s era Marvel comics (besides Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko) is a real slog, but I look forward to these volumes. After a rough first volume, this series is a must-read. Recommended!

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Canon Alberic’s Scrapbook

This is a review of the short story Canon Alberic’s Scrapbook, written by M.R. James and published in his collection Ghost Stories of an Antiquary (published 1904). You can read my review of his short story The Treasure of Abbot Thomas, here. Like the main character of this story, M.R. James was a scholar and a Cambridge man. If you like ghosts, he is a must read. Ghost Stories of an Antiquary contains many of his strongest stories.

An amateur archaeologist stops at an old church, where he spends the day looking at whatever amateur archaeologists look at. You’ll have to use your imagination, here. He’s accompanied by the church’s sacristan (a fancy name for keeper), an old man with a horrid case of nerves. Or is it nerves? Dennistoun – who lacks imagination – hears strange things in the church, but he’s not the sort to be put off by unexplained bumps or gouts of uncontrollable laughter.

Afterwards, the sacristan shows Dennistoun a scrapbook consisting of leaves scavenged from illuminated manuscripts. One picture stands out – King Solomon confronting a demon of the night. Dennistoun buys the book from the sacristan. Something follows him back to the hotel. Later that evening, he meets it. The end.

This is a creepy story. By today’s standards, the Victorian prose might seem overly ornate with flat characters, but you are here for the monsters. And James delivers. The demon in this story is described in a tactile way – spider eyes, shallow jaw, black hair, all bone and muscle. The creepiest thing is the monster’s closeness. Dennistoun sees its hand resting on the desk he’s working on, and then it rises up behind him. Talk about breathing down someone’s neck!

I like the idea of a haunted scrapbook. Using the magic of the Google, I searched for an image similar to the one found in the scrapbook. Alas, I found nothing. If anyone knows if an image answering to the description of King Solomon’s Dispute with a Demon of the Night exists, please let me know.

It is also interesting to note how clueless Dennistoun truly is. Or I suppose you could call him literal. There are ample warning signs that things are amiss – strange, unexplained laughter in the church, the old man’s eagerness to unload the scrapbook – which he ignores. I don’t blame him. Everyone knows monsters aren’t real.

Recommended for lovers of creepy and the supernatural.

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B.P.R.D.: The Universal Machine

This is a review of B.P.R.D.: The Universal Machine. Read my reviews of the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth volumes. The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense consists of Abe Sapien, fish-man; Ben Daimio, dead man walking; Johan Kraus, ghost in the machine; Liz Sherman, fire starter; Roger, homunculus stewed in horse manure (R.I.P.). We also have Dr. Kate Corrigan, academic, who in this volume takes center stage.

The death of Roger the Golem continues to have repercussions. Dr. Corrigan travels to Ableben, a charming small town in France to meet a collector, who may have the obscure book needed to bring Roger back. The collector is an odd fellow, as collectors often are. He shows off his collection, including a stuffed baboon that people in the Middle Ages thought a werewolf, along with the replica of a magic ring that rests upon his finger. True to B.P.R.D. form, the town is full of actual werewolves.

While Kate travels to France, the remaining members of the B.P.R.D. do their version of sitting around a campfire telling ghost stories. Daimio’s story is the standout, a tale of blood and murder as he and his team are slaughtered in Bolivia by the minions of a jaguar god. Not to be undone, Krauss tells us how he fell in love with a female ghost, and used her grieving husband to keep seeing her. Interestingly, Daimio is the only one who correctly calls the story pathetic.

Meanwhile, Kate is stuck in the collector’s shop, which is bigger on the inside than the outside and which seems to have faded from our reality, leaving her companion stranded in a phone booth surrounded by werewolves. A dwarf and a group of aristocrat vampires join the party. The collector gets pushy, as collectors often do when arguing over prices. Kate cuts off negotiations – as well as the finger with the magic ring – and feeds it to the dwarf, who transforms into a demon, and that’s when the shit hits the fan.

Recommended for fans of occult comics, Hellboy, and the X-Files!

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Man-Eater: The Life and Legend of an American Cannibal

This is a review of Man-Eater: The Life and Legend of an American Cannibal, written by Harold Schechter. Ah, cannibals. If you want to get technical, use the term anthropophagy and watch people scratch their heads. We all know about the Donner Party, but there have been other cases of cannibalism, especially on the American frontier.

Consider the case of Alfred Packer, wilderness guide, Civil War veteran, and the sole survivor of a party of six prospectors intrepid or stupid enough to brave the Colorado wilderness. They set out in the winter of 1873-1874, got lost/stranded in the snow, and ran out of food.  Mr. Packer claimed that a crazed butcher (the man’s real profession!) slaughtered the others while he was out searching for food, and then attacked him with an axe upon his return. Mr. Packer, who had a gun, killed the man and then hunkered down for the rest of the winter.

What can not be disputed is that Mr. Packer ate the remains of some of his fellow prospectors, because search parties found the evidence. Or to put it in the jargon of the newspaper reports of the time, HE FEASTED UPON THEIR CORPSES. Whether or not he committed a crime is a question, since he ate his fellow man to survive. History shows that he’s not alone in that, either.

Mr. Packer went to jail, but not for cannibalism. The charge that stuck was manslaughter. What was his motive? Well, theft. The prosecution pushed the robbery angle, although why anyone would subject themselves to starvation to commit a robbery makes no sense. Packer was brought to trial – several times – convicted, and sent to prison rather than being hanged. As time passed, the legend of the Colorado Cannibal grew.

The press took up his cause, including sob sister and gossip columnist Polly Pry. Back in those days, the press didn’t exactly have a savory reputation. Some things never change! One of the best scenes in this book is when a shyster lawyer shoots up a newspaper office, gets away with it, and is feted as a minor celebrity.

Packer was released, years later, and became a minor celebrity himself. He denied any wrongdoing until he died. He is portrayed as a tough, rather unsavory, man, with a striking appearance. People seemed to like or hate him. Did he kill his companions? I don’t know. Nobody does.

What do I think? Well, I doubt anyone considered murder until the food ran out. I also don’t believe that the party was taking a jaunt through the beautiful winter wilderness, making snow angels and catching snowflakes on their pink tongues, while all around them abundant game animals frolicked. The prosecution made this argument, btw. What happened is that they ran out of food and started eating their own boots, which is what you do when you are starving to death.

The other members of Mr. Packer’s group did not love him. He must have known that if it came to it, nobody would’ve bothered drawing lots; they would’ve eaten him first. He was convicted on circumstantial evidence, which means the prosecution had nothing but hearsay. Which doesn’t mean he’s innocent, it means the prosecutors managed to convince a jury he was guilty. Take that for what it’s worth.

If you like true crime, this is a great beach read. It’s entertaining as a slice of history, also, and reads like a potboiler. There are lots of great details from that time period, and the author has an engaging style. Recommended!

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Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen

This is a review of Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen written and drawn by Jack Kirby. When people discuss Mr. Kirby’s DC work, they will usually talk about Kamandi or The Demon, reviewed here and here. I’ve never heard a word about this graphic novel, which is a shame. This book, which showcases Superman alongside an ensemble cast, is first-rate science fiction.

What about that ensemble cast, anyway? We have Clark Kent, the Newsboy Legion, the Golden Guardian, who is a clone – no, not of Captain America – as well as that freckled young cub reporter, Jimmy Olsen himself. The Newsboy Legion features five kids who have a vehicle called the Whiz Wagon, based on the Fantasti-Car, that can fly and is also amphibious. The kids are interchangeable, except for the one who dresses in scuba gear all the time, which won’t bode well after he hits puberty.

The plot revolves around The Hairies, a secret group of super-intelligent vat grown humans who live inside a mountain and drive around in a missile carrier disguised as a monster. They’re guarded by a biker gang and are doing top secret experiments on the human genome, backed by the U.S. government and Superman. In the 1970’s, that wasn’t considered unethical; today, there would be collective apoplexy.

Jimmy Olsen and the annoying – I mean youthful – members of the Newsboy Legion investigate. They tangle with the biker gang, and Jimmy automatically becomes head honcho when he punches out their leader. Jimmy Olsen, Biker, is only one of the many startling transformations in store for the reader. We also have Rampaging Jimmy Olsen, transformed by science into a mean green killing machine that doesn’t resemble the Incredible Hulk – NO, NOT AT ALL – and Neanderthal Jimmy Olsen.

Sound weird? Wait until the scene where everyone drops acid, including Superman, that Head Square Himself. Oh, Kirby gives us some nonsense about a solar phone, but this is his version of an acid trip. Anyway, Olsen and company discover that The Hairies are fiddling with human DNA, making all matters of chimera, including tiny Jimmy Olsens! At one point we look through a microscope to see the tiny Olsens, each wearing a pair of tighty whities.

Darkseid, rightfully deciding the world isn’t ready for that much Jimmy Olsen, sends the most incompetent cat’s paw in the DC Universe to destroy the Hairies. Media mogul Morgan Edge spends all his time trying to kill Jimmy Olsen and the Newsboy Legion. While they are annoying, he could just fire them instead, but I guess I’m missing something.

Other stories include a villain who lives in a volcano, a Scottish Lake Monster, and a miniature planet full of Count Dracula lookalikes that makes TOTAL SENSE when explained. We also have a story starring Don Rickles and his twin, which may have been funny when it was released, but somehow I doubt it.

Nobody in this graphic novel has anything resembling a personality, but that’s my only quibble. Mr. Kirby was a genius, and is allowed a misstep here and there. Highly recommended!

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The Treasure of Abbot Thomas

This is a review of the short story The Treasure of Abbot Thomas, written by M.R. James and first published in the collection Ghost Stories of an Antiquary. Going forward, I will be reviewing one horror short story/novel per week in addition to my graphic novel reviews. If there is anything specific people would like to see (more graphic novel reviews, horror movie reviews, etc.) please let me know.

A scholar and man-of-means goes on a treasure hunt that starts out exciting, if you call translating Latin texts, examining stained glass windows, and deciphering code exciting. Since he’s a scholar, it is to him! Others may not find this section to be as thrilling. The adventurous academic toddles off with his manservant to the abbey where the treasure is hidden, where he meets something he doesn’t expect, and that’s when the story picks up steam.

The main character is a scholar who is over inquisitive. James’ protagonists are not men of action. They are steeped in academia, amateur historians, antiquaries, college professors. All are curious, overstep, and pay a price. After encountering the supernatural, his protagonists always come away marked. Many die.

By today’s standards, this story is overwritten with an awkward frame, and I don’t think anyone over the age of nine will find it scary. On the other hand, it is atmospheric and spooky in parts, mainly because of the description of the monster. Mr. James reveals his creation in interesting ways, using senses besides sight and sound. The toad-guardian is described by touch (leathery) and smell (mold).

Because of pacing issues, The Treasure of Abbot Thomas isn’t one of James’ stronger stories, but it is still worth a read, especially if you enjoy ghost stories. The BBC produced a TV adaptation in the 1970’s, which is now streaming on Shudder. Recommended!

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Star Wars: Darth Vader

This is the first part of a review of Star Wars: Darth Vader by Kieron Gillen (writer) and Salvador Larroca (art). The events of this graphic novel take place after the Death Star’s destruction by a young Rebel pilot named Luke Skywalker, i.e. between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back.

Darth Vader uncovers a plot to usurp him orchestrated by…the Emperor? Turns out Palpatine isn’t happy with his disciple, and is searching for his replacement(s). Is Vader’s time with the Empire coming to an end? Anyone familiar with the first trilogy knows the answer, but it’s still fun to watch him spar with his doppelgangers in a series of fast-paced issues.

Darth Vader himself is cold, calculating, and methodical. It’s interesting, but in many ways he reminds me of Judge Dredd. In this volume, it’s revealed that he can also be subtle. He has no choice. When the one person more powerful than you is your boss, you need to be sneaky. Many of Vader’s victims get what’s coming to them, but an equal number have done nothing but be unlucky enough to get in his way. If there’s one thing this series drove home for me, it is that Darth Vader is not redeemable.

The first half of the graphic novel climaxes in a close encounter with our favorite band of rebels, Skywalker, Solo, and Leia. The creative team gifts us with grotesque parodies of our lovable heroes and heroines. Triple Zero and BeeTee-One are murder-Droids, Black Krrsantan is a homicidal Wookie, and Dr. Aphra is Han Solo. I read these issues knowing that nobody important would die, but still had a lot of fun.

If Vader is the bad-ass, his counterpart is Dr. Aphra, who throws in her lot with him early and becomes his cat’s paw, despite knowing that her lifespan is limited to her usefulness. Aphra is the most interesting character in this graphic novel. She reminds me of a Han Solo who shoots first and always makes the wrong choice. Despite having the glimmerings of a conscience, she is as bad as Darth Vader.

Interestingly, of the two I find Vader to be the more sympathetic character. If someone is going to kill me, I’d prefer they just get it over with and not mope about it. Accept what you are; maybe even lean into it a little! Final verdict: this is the best Star Wars comic I’ve ever read and as such is highly recommended.