‘Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad’

This is a review of the short story ‘Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad,’ written by M.R. James and published in his collection Ghost Stories of an Antiquary (published 1904). You can read my review of his short stories The Treasure of Abbot Thomas and Canon Alberic’s Scrap Book, here and here.

Parkins is a Professor of Ontography who doesn’t believe in ghosts and is trying to improve his golf game. He goes on a golfing vacation, and his hotel room has two beds (foreshadowing alert!!!). One evening he comes across the ruins of an ancient temple by the beach, and finds an old whistle. When Parkins examines the whistle, he sees the following epitaph: Who is This Who is Coming? IMO, it should read Who is Coming, but the Victorians never met a word they didn’t like. The gist of the question is, if you want to find out who is coming blow the whistle.

Does this sound vaguely ominous? Would you blow the whistle? Well, Parkins does! As a doctor of Ontography, which doesn’t seem to be a real academic field, he doesn’t believe in ghosts. Ontography is the study and documentation of what is real; it is Philosophy and not Natural Science.

Basically, Parkins is a professor of the literal, which explains why he doesn’t believe in ghosts. I’m sure he doesn’t get subtext, either. This little in-joke adds another layer to the story. Too bad Parkins falls into the same trap as many others – i.e., mistaking his view of reality as actual reality. The whistle summons a thing that rises from the spare bed in the middle of the night, while Parkins lies quaking in his own bed. What will become of our plucky professor of Ontography?

James is great at creating ghosts, and this one is inspired. It seems mostly composed of bedsheets, and James himself says (through one of his characters) that the ghost’s power lies in frightening people out of their wits. To me, the scariest thing about this story – which might’ve freaked me out as a kid – lies in the violation of privacy. Parkins thinks he’s safe and alone in his bedroom, when it turns out he’s neither.

Recommended for ghost story lovers and lovers of Victorian supernatural fiction!