Month: November 2024

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The Tapestried Chamber, by Walter Scott

It’s time for the holidays! In honor of this great occasion, I will be reviewing short stories from the Valancourt Book of Victorian Christmas Ghost Stories edited by Tara Moore during the month of December. Please note that the stories themselves are not set during Christmas (they are English, however). Reading/telling ghost stories during the winter holidays was a Victorian tradition, according to the introduction. Also: SPOILER ALERT.

This is a review of The Tapestried Chamber, by Walter Scott. Our hero is General Browne, who has just returned from the end of the American war. He’s a man’s man, the sort of fellow who takes ‘manly exercise.’ What is manly exercise? Squat thrusts? Breaking rocks with his bare fists? Racing across the moors naked with a tree trunk strapped to his back? I wish I knew.

The General meets his good friend, Lord Woodville, proud owner of an ancient castle. The Lord puts his old pal up for the night in an older bedroom nicknamed The Tapestried Chamber. In the morning, General Browne is in a greatly discomfited state. Turns out, he was accosted by a fiend in the shape of a woman! She crawled into bed with him and leered at him, and he was immediately unmanned. I know people who have fantasies about that sort of thing, but the Victorians were a different breed.

Turns out Lord Woodville knew the room had a bad reputation, but put the General in there anyway as an experiment. He doesn’t phrase it that way, of course. Later, on the pretext of showing the General the family portraits, he points out the portrait of the perpetrator, ‘a wretched ancestress.’ General Browne leaves the castle, presumably a broken man.

There are two characters in this story, and Lord Woodville is by far the more interesting. For those who insist his intentions were pure, answer me this: if he wanted to shatter the Tapestried Chamber’s awful reputation, why not sleep there himself? All I can say is, the General should choose better friends.

This is a fun read, but you will be disappointed if you expect to be terrified. The author entreats us to read his story out loud in the middle of the night for maximum effect. Since I read this in the dining area of a Wegman’s during lunch, I did not follow his instructions. It doesn’t matter, because I did not find this story to be scary, or even mildly creepy. If I read this story out loud in the middle of the night by the light of a flickering candle, with the wind howling outside my window…I still wouldn’t find it scary.

If you like ghost stories and are interested in witnessing the bizarre ways the Victorians expressed their smothered sexual urges, give this story a try.

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Scalped: Book One

This is a review of Scalped: Book One by Jason Aaron and P.M. Guera. Dashiell Bad Horse is an undercover FBI agent. His mission: take down Lincoln Red Crow, who runs the reservation where he was born. Dash gets into it with Red Crow’s thugs; this is an audition of sorts, and it works. Red Crow is impressed, and takes Dash into his employment. First, he tells Bad Horse about what it was like having sex with his mother. I couldn’t figure out why he’d say something like that, and then realized that this is Red Crow’s way of making small talk. It’s also his way of saying, ‘I own your ass.’

Soon Bad Horse is a cop, busting meth houses, spying on his ex-girlfriend and beating up her boyfriends (she call them fuck buddies, but never mind), and providing security for the soon-to-be opened casino. His single encounter with his mother, who is an activist, does not go well. Conditions at the reservation are depicted as being awful. I do not know how accurate this depiction is. I will say that this book contains multiple triggers – blood, swearing, racial epithets, blood, partial nudity, drug use, blood, gunfights, fistfights, sex, murder, lots and lots of blood. If this offends you, do not read this. I guarantee you will get upset.

Scalped is a well-done graphic novel that reads like an action movie and blends two genres – noir and Westerns. P.M. Guera’s gritty art captures the spirit of the book. Mr. Aaron’s approach is blunt, but there’s lots of stuff going on beneath the surface. Everyone has an agenda, and nobody is exactly who they seem to be.

One can debate whether this is the creators’ story to tell. In this case, I am not the person to ask, but I do feel like I have something to contribute to the discussion. I have genuine OCD. I’m not ‘a little OCD,’ I am diagnosed and it’s really messed with my life. When I see fiction about OCD, my first thought is whether the author has OCD. if the author does have OCD, more power to them! If not, things become murky.

My own viewpoint – I’m speaking for myself here, as I am no gatekeeper – is that if you are writing about OCD and you don’t have it, do your homework and get it right. Otherwise, you will be misrepresenting a devastating mental illness, and perhaps indirectly hurting the people who have it. In fact, there are folks who will get mad even if you do your homework and get it right. That’s because you are profiting off something that has made many lives miserable.

If you are shocked that people might feel this way, whether it be about OCD or daily life on an Indian reservation, think of it this way. What if someone you didn’t know made a movie using the details of your life without your permission, made a million dollars, got some of the details wrong, and then told you they were doing you a favor by raising the public’s awareness of you?

Would you thank them, or sue them?

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Marvel Masterworks: The Mighty Thor Volume Three

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This is a review of Marvel Masterworks Thor: Volume 3. Thor keeps getting better, which is a relief, because the first volume was one of the worst graphic novels I’ve ever read. When Jack Kirby took over Thor the second book improved, and now the third volume is hitting its stride courtesy of his great art and clever plotting. Read my reviews of the first two graphic novels here and here.

Jane Foster is in peril a lot in this volume. She’s kidnapped by Loki, menaced by the Grey Gargoyle, and then manhandled by the Executioner and the Enchantress. Don Blake gives the magic beans away by telling Jane he’s Thor, but All-Father Odin conveniently strips him of his powers so he can’t change forms, and she starts thinking he’s soft in the head. All part of Odin’s master plan to cock-block his mighty son!

Thor’s adopted brother, Loki, doesn’t want to mess with Thor’s love-life. He wants to kill him by proxy, using his sorcery to empower Crusher Creel, aka the Absorbing Man. When that fails, he makes a baseless claim against his half-brother. Even though Loki does nothing but lie, and Odin sacrificed an eye for divine wisdom (including the ability to see anything), the All-Father seems strangely clueless in regards to his sons. He sentences them to an ordeal in Skornheim. Loki wins, because he cheats. Loki always cheats, but he shouldn’t bother because Odin already knows he cheated. My theory is that it’s a bizarre sham put on by the All-Father, who must be bored out of his mind. What’s a war god to do in times of peace?

The best part of this volume is when Loki activates The Destroyer, which is more powerful than Thor, and then realizes that if The Destroyer kills Thor, Odin will blast him to atoms. This leads to a sequence where Loki tries in vain to awaken a sleeping Odin and ends up saving Thor’s life. The back-up feature, Tales of Asgard, is great also, heralding the first appearance of the mighty Volstagg, who has served as comic relief for lo these many decades.

Good stuff, especially if you like Jack Kirby and Thor!

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Superman Golden Age Volume Three

This is a review of Golden Age Superman Volume 3. Read my reviews of the first two graphic novels, here and here. I purchased five of these volumes when they were on sale; just be aware that reading one volume is enough, because they’re all the same. Here we have more of Superman as Big Brother, solving the world’s problems. Supes fights thugs using thug tactics, so arguably he’s the biggest thug of all, but at least he has a personality. Modern day Superman is pretty vanilla, and it’s difficult to explain why a fellow with godlike powers isn’t running things.

The Superman of yesteryear was even more powerful than the modern version, in that he has no qualms about playing God. Luckily, he doesn’t want to be bothered ruling the world. He also has superpowers that have either gone by the wayside, or he no longer uses. Yes, Superman is a master of hypnosis! The makers of the movie Superman Two also read this volume, apparently.

There are three standout stories here. In the first, a mad scientist uses science to make men giants. Superman is buried under an avalanche, which slows him down. The best part of this story is when the mad scientist threatens to make Lois a giantess! The Macrophiliacs in my audience will be disappointed to know he doesn’t succeed.

The second story involves giants, also. Enormous animals are overrunning the suburbs, and Lois and Clark go to investigate! I figured this one out halfway, but it has a clever twist. The third tale involves Superman trying to reform a spoiled heiress. He’s hired by the heiress’ father, the man who spoiled his daughter, but why quibble details? The unbelievable climax requires a deus ex machina in the form of a bursting dam.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Lois Lane. Superman follows Lois around like a lost puppy, or perhaps a stalker, but I’ve lost count of how many times he’s saved her life. Is Lois really that stupid? Well, yes and no. Lois is a plot device, representing Superman’s vulnerability. Since Supes himself is invulnerable, we have Lois held hostage/tied up/transformed into a giantess/thrown off a cliff-building-airplane-etc. in almost every issue.

Recommended for comic history buffs and Superman fanatics!  

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B.P.R.D.: A Plague of Frogs

This is a review of B.P.R.D. Volume Three: Plague of Frogs. This graphic novel marks a turning-point in B.P.R.D. history (Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense), as the series turns from a Hellboy-inspired monster-of-the-week comic into a violent, apocalyptic slugfest. Read my reviews of the first two volumes here and here.

A fungal growth is discovered at Cavendish Hall, the site of Hellboy’s first published adventure (Seed of Destruction). The fungus is taken to a lab, where it experiences a growth spurt, blossoming into what resembles an enormous white, fleshy penis. Which is interesting, because that’s what it is – the delivery system for the bacteria, or virus, or fungus. Once infected, the victim transforms into an enormous, rampaging frog-monster. Luckily, the fungi is safe behind sturdy glass and every precaution is being taken so there’s no way the glass can break and – oopsie daisy!

Looking for clues, the B.P.R.D. visits the town of Crab Point MI, home of the New Temple of Mysteries. They get more than they bargained for, as Crab Point is overrun with rampaging frogs. Roger the golem is killed by a frog-monster, in a brutal scene that goes on for pages. Roger is a construct and thus isn’t alive to begin with, but the reader’s face is rubbed in it. Liz Sherman, the sole offensive member of the group, sort of gains control of her pyrokinetic abilities. Johan Kraus possesses a dead dog. Fishman Abe Sapien is speared in the back by a crazy prophet and has a vision quest wherein his origins are revealed, back in the days of Honest Abe Lincoln.

This is one of the best horror comic storylines I’ve ever read. It continues the Hellboy tradition of having B.P.R.D. missions go horribly wrong. The first example I can recall is Hellboy donning a jet pack, so that he can soar through the air – and watching him plummet hundreds of feet to the earth. Although Roger is revived, this volume sounds the clarion bell: NO ONE IS SAFE. Prophetic words.

Recommended for Hellboy and horror comic fans!